{LOOKBOOK} WHO'S THAT GIRL

If I am honest... I am not really satisfied with how my body looks like last few years.. nice, lean body with no evidence of cellulite, with cute little stomach of which owner I was for the first 20 years of my life, lost his original shape somewhere between countless hours of sitting on the sofa with my Mac on the legs, when the only exercise was walking on the stairs and pushing shopping cart in the mall, full of unhealthy things I can't even call food.

I had an episodes when I had a bunch of motivation and I started to take care of myself (because yes, you take care for yourself when you start eat properly and exercise regularly), when I was running for 45 minutes per day and when I pay attention to what I putted in my mouth.
But I stopped... few times there where other events which I labelled more important as my well being that interrupt my running routine that I never find/made again. 

And If I am even more honest... let's face it, I had more fun doing other stuff than running or trying to get in lottos pose.. I had more fun eating Big Mac, pizza, mayonnaise and my favourite Mexican food than eating vegetable and dry chicken. I had more fun eating pop corn with Igor at the cinema than thinking about how will I look like in bikini...

BUT ... (because there is always but)... I had more fun but it just didn't feel right.. I didn't feel right. I was lacking energy, I woke up after 10 hours of sleeping so tired, I would eat so I would get more energy but since I was eating crap I was just more tired... I had headaches because I was forgetting to drink enough water, I had terrible PMS with a real emotional roller-coaster when I went from being crying princess to total bitch in the moment - which I would handle much easier if I would train properly (because you know, that exercising is boosting your hormone of happiness) and breath more deeply (which I couldn't in my "laptop pose")...

So, there came realization of all that what I was writing about (I already know that a long time but it was hidden somewhere in my subconscious waiting to explode) and a fact that I have to change something... but did that help? Hmm.. no!
I was just more bitter.. I was looking myself in the mirror and hate what I saw. I went in the restaurants promising myself that I will choose healthy food but than just couldn't resist to pizza.. and then I would eat it and feel guilty.. I promise myself that I will exercise on certain day but then on that day someone has some other plans for me and I would give up my exercise in the minute.. and I hated myself even more. Well, not hated.. it's not the right word - let's say I felt like I just can't do it.. let's say I was lacking self motivation, self worthy, self esteem.

Somehow I realized that I for the beginning just have to start to LOVE myself.
If I love myself and if I became my best inner motivator, my best inner coach, my best inner friend.. there is nothing that can stop me.
I have to start loving myself just the way I am to become what I want to be. Negative self talk was just pushing me deeper in the dissatisfaction.
If I will always think, behave or do things certain way - I will always get the certain same result.
I have to change my thinking, my behaving, my actions in a way that I will totally accept and love myself. Support myself.
So, I decided to post this photos of 'imperfect' me, that just a month ago I would be ashamed  off ... this is a real body, this is real me.. I don't look like a million dollar girl (just yet) - but I definetly feel like one..and in the end that is what matters the most! I think I start to love myself again...

Now the journey can begin...

Song in my head while taking photos:

Wish you would love yourself so much as I love and appriciate you!!

Love, A.