Monday, July 23


If I am honest... I am not really satisfied with how my body looks like last few years.. nice, lean body with no evidence of cellulite, with cute little stomach of which owner I was for the first 20 years of my life, lost his original shape somewhere between countless hours of sitting on the sofa with my Mac on the legs, when the only exercise was walking on the stairs and pushing shopping cart in the mall, full of unhealthy things I can't even call food.

I had an episodes when I had a bunch of motivation and I started to take care of myself (because yes, you take care for yourself when you start eat properly and exercise regularly), when I was running for 45 minutes per day and when I pay attention to what I putted in my mouth.
But I stopped... few times there where other events which I labelled more important as my well being that interrupt my running routine that I never find/made again. 

And If I am even more honest... let's face it, I had more fun doing other stuff than running or trying to get in lottos pose.. I had more fun eating Big Mac, pizza, mayonnaise and my favourite Mexican food than eating vegetable and dry chicken. I had more fun eating pop corn with Igor at the cinema than thinking about how will I look like in bikini...

BUT ... (because there is always but)... I had more fun but it just didn't feel right.. I didn't feel right. I was lacking energy, I woke up after 10 hours of sleeping so tired, I would eat so I would get more energy but since I was eating crap I was just more tired... I had headaches because I was forgetting to drink enough water, I had terrible PMS with a real emotional roller-coaster when I went from being crying princess to total bitch in the moment - which I would handle much easier if I would train properly (because you know, that exercising is boosting your hormone of happiness) and breath more deeply (which I couldn't in my "laptop pose")...

So, there came realization of all that what I was writing about (I already know that a long time but it was hidden somewhere in my subconscious waiting to explode) and a fact that I have to change something... but did that help? Hmm.. no!
I was just more bitter.. I was looking myself in the mirror and hate what I saw. I went in the restaurants promising myself that I will choose healthy food but than just couldn't resist to pizza.. and then I would eat it and feel guilty.. I promise myself that I will exercise on certain day but then on that day someone has some other plans for me and I would give up my exercise in the minute.. and I hated myself even more. Well, not hated.. it's not the right word - let's say I felt like I just can't do it.. let's say I was lacking self motivation, self worthy, self esteem.

Somehow I realized that I for the beginning just have to start to LOVE myself.
If I love myself and if I became my best inner motivator, my best inner coach, my best inner friend.. there is nothing that can stop me.
I have to start loving myself just the way I am to become what I want to be. Negative self talk was just pushing me deeper in the dissatisfaction.
If I will always think, behave or do things certain way - I will always get the certain same result.
I have to change my thinking, my behaving, my actions in a way that I will totally accept and love myself. Support myself.
So, I decided to post this photos of 'imperfect' me, that just a month ago I would be ashamed  off ... this is a real body, this is real me.. I don't look like a million dollar girl (just yet) - but I definetly feel like one..and in the end that is what matters the most! I think I start to love myself again...

Now the journey can begin...

Song in my head while taking photos:

Wish you would love yourself so much as I love and appriciate you!!

Love, A.


  1. Girl, you have a really beautiful body. I'm jealous! But you are right! It's very important to take care of yourself and to listen to your body (:

  2. Kao da čitam tekst koji se mene tiče. Od pro sportašice do studentice koja je nakon ozljede morala sjesti i ugrijati stolac, pa je sjedila i sjedila, do osobe koja sada ima posao na kojem se opet puno sjedi. Tako da mi je dobro poznati ovaj osjećaj nezadovoljstva, nemoći, očaja.
    S druge strane, sigurna sam da ćeš dobiti samo pozitivne komentare jer za druge ni nema mjesta, ali onda se ponovno sjetim svih onih koji meni govore kako mi ništa ne fali, a ja im odgovaram da su u pravu, da mi ne fali ništa već ima i previše. :D Kako je najteže sebe vidjeti na ispravan način.
    Hoću reći, savršeno razumijem tvoje mišljenje da to nije to što si želiš bez obzira na super komentare koje dobivaš.. Ali i slažem se da se treba naučiti voljeti bez obzira na sve.. Na kraju krajeva, kako ide ono? Savršenstvo je kao horizont - nedostižno.. :)
    P.S. Zbilja izgledaš super, a kad ti to jedna kritičarka kaže ...., hahaha.. ;)

  3. super si to napisala in mislim da se vsaka vsaj enkrat v svojem življenju sooči s tem kar si ti opisovala.
    Pravzaprav bi bil pa dolgčas če bi na svetu bile samo ženske z eno postavo, tisto ki nam jo vsi tupijo da je "najlepša"... šport, zdrava prehrana z občasnimi pregrehami pa ni kaj da boš slejkoprej vzljubila prav vse na sebi. =)
    p.s. krasne kopalke! =)

  4. Imaš popolno postavo! In kopalke ti nenormalno dobro pašejo!

  5. You're beautiful and have a Slammin body. And thank you so much for the awesome comment on my post!! I have a ton of body image and issues, but sometimes you gotta say F IT and work it out!

    xx Jacqueline

  6. I could relate to every word you wrote thank you for putting it out there!!! And - not that I don't like you're body you're smokin' hot ;) - you are just so brave to post bikini pictures. Although I wouldn't consider myself "fat" I would never let anyone take pictures like that of me. Really, you are awesome and I hope you can keep up your resolutions!

  7. looks like a great day!!:)
    i like your bikini too, the pattern is awesome!