I had an episodes when I had a bunch of motivation and I started to take care of myself (because yes, you take care for yourself when you start eat properly and exercise regularly), when I was running for 45 minutes per day and when I pay attention to what I putted in my mouth.
But I stopped... few times there where other events which I labelled more important as my well being that interrupt my running routine that I never find/made again.
And If I am even more honest... let's face it, I had more fun doing other stuff than running or trying to get in lottos pose.. I had more fun eating Big Mac, pizza, mayonnaise and my favourite Mexican food than eating vegetable and dry chicken. I had more fun eating pop corn with Igor at the cinema than thinking about how will I look like in bikini...
BUT ... (because there is always but)... I had more fun but it just didn't feel right.. I didn't feel right. I was lacking energy, I woke up after 10 hours of sleeping so tired, I would eat so I would get more energy but since I was eating crap I was just more tired... I had headaches because I was forgetting to drink enough water, I had terrible PMS with a real emotional roller-coaster when I went from being crying princess to total bitch in the moment - which I would handle much easier if I would train properly (because you know, that exercising is boosting your hormone of happiness) and breath more deeply (which I couldn't in my "laptop pose")...
So, there came realization of all that what I was writing about (I already know that a long time but it was hidden somewhere in my subconscious waiting to explode) and a fact that I have to change something... but did that help? Hmm.. no!
I was just more bitter.. I was looking myself in the mirror and hate what I saw. I went in the restaurants promising myself that I will choose healthy food but than just couldn't resist to pizza.. and then I would eat it and feel guilty.. I promise myself that I will exercise on certain day but then on that day someone has some other plans for me and I would give up my exercise in the minute.. and I hated myself even more. Well, not hated.. it's not the right word - let's say I felt like I just can't do it.. let's say I was lacking self motivation, self worthy, self esteem.
Somehow I realized that I for the beginning just have to start to LOVE myself.
If I love myself and if I became my best inner motivator, my best inner coach, my best inner friend.. there is nothing that can stop me.
I have to start loving myself just the way I am to become what I want to be. Negative self talk was just pushing me deeper in the dissatisfaction.
If I will always think, behave or do things certain way - I will always get the certain same result.
I have to change my thinking, my behaving, my actions in a way that I will totally accept and love myself. Support myself.
So, I decided to post this photos of 'imperfect' me, that just a month ago I would be ashamed off ... this is a real body, this is real me.. I don't look like a million dollar girl (just yet) - but I definetly feel like one..and in the end that is what matters the most! I think I start to love myself again...
Now the journey can begin...
Song in my head while taking photos:
Wish you would love yourself so much as I love and appriciate you!!